What it feels like to make a leap of faith and hang in the air - a personal story

Photo by Mona Eendra https://monaeendra.com/

I've never left a job or school without having a plan for what's next.

This last time was different. I was done. I knew I wanted to make the space for a much bigger change. I was ready to get my teeth into something new, I just didn’t know what exactly.

Staying in the space of undefined

So I jumped into the nothingness, without looking back. And I stayed there for quite some time, in the liminal space, the space in between, a space where identity is blurry at best, frustration is a frequent guest, but also a space that can be full of exciting possibilities and new experiences and feeling alive. For a year I didn't know what to say when people asked what I do (for work, that is). I did what I could to avoid the question all together, and when I had to answer, it would be a new answer every time, all of them true; the thing is, in the liminal space, direction changes every 5 minutes or so. It was undefined.

Commitment-phobia

Interestingly, with all the possibilities, I got to a point where I felt overwhelmed. Being a curious human, I wanted to say yes to everything! Paradoxically, this led to a sort of commitment phobia.

It’s true what they say: when you close one door, a bunch of new ones open. What they don’t tell you is that some of those lead right back to the same old experiences. I had to stay a while in the space between; be patient and linger in that uncomfortable place of unknown and undecided.

Sometimes clarity has to emerge over time

Now I roughly know how to respond when people ask what I do. I no longer avoid the question and the variations are much smaller. It is converging.

I have been hanging in the air, but I can see the new ground now, and it looks exciting. What I have learned is that sometimes clarity has to emerge over time, lots of time, and we need to make space for it. Often, the next step is clear, and that's all we need, but sometimes it's so foggy you can't even see the next step, so all you can do is sit and wait - or take a swim. Now, for an action and achievement oriented person that's very difficult!

You can change direction as many times as you like.

One thing is clear: I have learned a lot, and I have no regrets, it has been and still is exhilarating to explore this world, knowing that you can change direction as many times as you like.

So that’s my story; as I said, a personal one. But maybe you can relate to some of it?